This piece is inspired partly by the weirdness of Black Mirror, also recently watched Rebecca so that is in there also.
farewell :: pocketful :: feeding :: thief :: maroon
I’ve been feeding myself hope over the years; they trickle by like fast food joints flashing in and out of existence. The buildings that I marker in my mind, here is where this happened, and this, and this.
The town is falling in on itself, crumbling into an apocalyptic movie set. I shouldn’t have left it so long before returning, I lay my memories over the streets like thick brush strokes loaded with fresh paint. I make the roads cream, the houses a deep maroon, as if they each hold a separate organ that is ripening within the walls. Arteries splayed inside the concrete. There’s a woman feeding pigeons like there always was, but she is alone with the birds and her face is blurry. I wave a farewell to her and she bleeds to whiteness as I forget her also. Traveling towards where I grew up. The house was held in a network of parks and roads.
It is still there, cushioned against the world by a field and a large chestnut tree where the chestnuts nestle inside their casings. The stream is an additional barrier to cross before you reach the estate on the other side. And there are more parks, for children, with plastic slides.
In the estate there are thieves, pockets full of chewing gum that they spit at the pavement. I use a forefinger and dot it in, small greyish blobs. When I get to the park itself I scatter bark to create the floor, a churned up surface that incorporated crisp packets and fag ends also. There was a strange orange sculpture, made for children to swarm up and down again. We would gain the temporary illusion of adult height, an anticipation of growing, then fall back to our waist high perspective. I put myself in the park. There are bicycles lying in the grass outside, like animals just slaughtered. My fingers trail along the silver handle bars as I wipe each wheel away with slow purposeful gestures. I run down the sloping path towards the bridge, it vanishes behind me at each step till I pause and throw a twig to the water. Behind me is nothing.