WWIn: Sea Ghosts

Wednesday Write-in #26

bloodbath  ::  sweet and sour  ::  unplanned  ::  soprano  ::  on top

Strange story I wrote today. To be fair, I’ve used none of the prompts. Unless you can say I’ve used unplanned, because that was unplanned.

Sea Ghosts

The push and pull of water at the boat dragged her deeper into a dream of snow that had fallen so thick it lapped at her doorway. She stood and did not feel the cold, it stroked her toes like a cat, thick white fur ruffling. The car’s dark windows made them elegant in the white floored carpark, restful even. She knew someone was arriving but not who, and she was waiting for them framed by the door that suddenly gave her a push so that she tottered into the snow.

At one point in the ocean around the boat the surface broke. Bubbles struck the waterline and burst. The girl slept on as a sleek nose pointed skywards, two large nostrils gaping and sucking at the air with energy, with reliance. The snout that followed was broad and long, leading to the twin dark patches where the eyes dwelt. A low sound issued, vibrating the waves and disrupting their ancient pattern. She stirred and woke to the hum that resounded, nothing in sight, not a bird, not a cloud interrupting the sky’s light blue length. Sweet as meadow flowers. She has never seen so much blue before.

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “WWIn: Sea Ghosts

  1. Strange indeed. This line threw me: “The car’s dark windows made them elegant in the white floored carpark, restful even”. Where are we at this point?

    I really liked the imagery in the second paragraph, though I had trouble connecting it with the first. Regardless, your descriptions are spot on, as always.

  2. I ‘m missing the connection between the two paras. But both with great imagery. I really like what the whale (if it’s that) does to/for her. …so much blue… .

  3. I love the lyrical quality of your writing and the beautiful descriptions, even though I don’t get the connection between the two paragraphs.

  4. Very poetic. I read it as a dream sequence that mirrors the arrival of the whale. I might be wrong but still enjoyed it because of the great imagery.

  5. Lovely, lyrical wording as usual! I also didn’t get the link between the two, but I almost read them as two separate pieces, or distinct tales about the same person – kind of removed from each other in time.

    I found myself sticking on this line:
    She knew someone was arriving but not who, and she was waiting for them framed by the door that suddenly gave her a push so that she tottered into the snow.

    That second half is very passive – why not she waited? It shows some expectation on her part, which would then be countered by the door giving her a push. Oh, I’m also big on replacing the word ‘suddenly’ wherever possible, but that’s just nitpicky ;D It’s just a very overused word, and you can show the action much better by replacing it.

    ie:
    She knew someone was arriving, but not who. She waited in the frame of the door, her mind so taken up with her visitor that she was caught unaware when the door gave her a push, and she tottered into the snow.

  6. You invoke lovely images with your words. I was quite confused in the first paragraph, couldn’t tell what was going on. It felt like each sentence was a story in itself. I couldn’t quite relate the first paragraph with the second paragraph either.

    The second paragraph felt more real and I found it a lot easier to relate each sentence to the overall image of the story.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s