Story: Empty House

Third time trying the Wednesday Write-in, it’s small this time! The prompt ’empty house’ reminded me of Catherine Brogan’s poetry about squatter’s rights and the recent changes in the law, so I began by looking at this woman’s story of her squatting experience. Then I also used the prompts: thunder, wanted, hunger.

 

The warehouse stood empty, but water still ran along the rusty pipes. She put her hand beneath the trickle. Behind her, he was setting up their sleeping bag along the wall, marking out their territory, sniffing the stale air. This was wanted space; she had been kicked out by her mother and he couldn’t face going home. Their first night squatting, the navy roll was like a caterpillar’s many ribbed body uncurling. The roof leaked; they slid into the billowing material, cold limbs knocking awkwardly. The rain dripped just below the bag’s end, collecting beyond their toes. As the thunder started to roll, a deep hunger began inside her, needy and lonely. She pressed her mouth to his closed lips, generous with appetite.

 

Word Count: 123

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Story: Empty House

  1. I really liked this. Most people seem to have used the empty house prompt this week which is really interesting, so it was nice to see you turning it on it’s head a bit. If anything, I think you could trim out some more words as a couple of the descriptions are a bit wordy and I think you could give it a bigger punch. But I really enjoyed reading it, your writing is lovely.

    • Heya Sarah! I like the idea of cutting more, I’ll have to do that. Sara thinks it is lacking punch, where to put the punch. Thank you for the compliment, empty houses are very writerly things! Where’s yours hey. x

  2. I definitely agree about the punch thing but I really enjoy the snippets most about the people – the way they mark out their territory, sniff out the air, a sort of ‘we are all animals, we all survive’ kind of thing. Very nice.

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